Tuesday, February 28, 2012

He has my heart

This is Julian
 and he is teaching me how to rip my hair out.

Parenting teens
learning to let go
easy and blisfull.

Not so much.

Why does no one tell you how hard it is?

I question that.

You find volumes of parenting books
from baby to middle school
at the library
 but then it just all seems to drop into the deep dark abyss of the unknown

No field guide for teens.

The oldest and the youngest
it's as if it was yesterday Julian was that little...

The minute I layed eyes on him
was indescribable
pure love

 From sitting on my lap reading books
 singing his heart out in the back seat the old Volvo
to " Raffi "
Loving his woobie
 playing with legos
hide and seek
 super hero

He is finding his way...

 fast paced
high energy
and lets not forget...chicks.

Summer swim lessons in this pool.
Now a lifeguard
here he is teaching the youngest to swim...

Words can not express how proud I am of him
 how much he has changed my life
how wonderful, yet challenging it is to be his parent
and the unconditional love I have for him.

He has such a sense of humor
he so knows how to crack me up!

His dedication


and passion for soccer
- it's crazy amazing to watch him play.

 I realize how easy the "toddler" days were
 Dealing with a tantrum in isle 5 at Grand Union supermarket
 (scooping him up and leaving the store)
 seemed like a breeze

 Today it is much of same
 just more at a
 Voltron Force

One minute
I'm amazing
 the next minute
I'm annoying
This kid drives me crazy!

But that all seems to cancel out out
when he gives me hug and says he loves me...

for no apparent reason.

Within minutes it is all forgotten like nothing happend.

Loves his brother
 best of friends
worst of friends

I am whipped.

You are wonderfully amazing
growing up at warped speed

...and you might need a snickers bar by now.

All I can do is be there for you.

 You have my love
 and my heart.

 ....but then again, you already knew that.

 I love you
you will always be my super hero


It kills you to see them grow up. 
 But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. 
 ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams


  1. oh, you always say it so much better than I. This is what I feel like every single day. I love the quote at the end! Hang in there!

  2. It's past midnight. AGAIN. I'm going back to Gmail. I have tears in my eyes. You are truly amazing Camilla

  3. Wow, that pinched my heart a bit. Wonderfully worded. Amazing to imagine my kids growing up even more. Sweet dreams, mama.

  4. Lovely post Camilla. It has made me look at my teenager more thoughtfully today and realise how every minute with them is special even if they do drive us crazy. :)

  5. We're on the cusp of teenhood here, and I can see little previews of this. Beautifully-worded. I'm bookmarking for when I need it later :-)

  6. Thank you.
    My eldest is almost 17
    I share your emotions
    so intensely, at times, I feel like I'll burst
    love does that to a mom

  7. Popping over from Ivey's place. This was beautiful! and funny and touching and so right on. Sigh. I have 2 daughters, but I can see those feelings you described translating seamlessly to parenting teenaged girls. Great post.

  8. He sounds like an awesome kid. Having weathered and survived the teen years of my own kids (my youngest, my daughter, being the most challenging here), I have only one piece of advice. It may sound cliche', but it's still prudent. Pick your battles. They're straddling that threshold between being a child one minute, and struggling to establish their young adulthood in the next. They'll swing back and forth so much that it will make you dizzy. Give them some rope...but not so much to hang themselves. Allow them the practice of deciding for themselves those things that won't be earth shattering if they make a wrong chioce, and while they're still in your safety net.

    My daughter literally turned me grey haired. She was the MOST challenging personality I'd ever dealt with. Now she's a young adult living her own life, and we have SO much fun together. If you survive their teen years, the payoff is grand! ;-)

  9. camilla. i just discovered your new space here. how new? not sure. but it made me happy. and that was lovely to read. and scary. i don't know how to deal with it getting harder....

    but you are showing us! at first glance i thought you wrote he is teaching you how to rip your heart out. that was funny. and i related!

    alright. i gotta show you something. i've knit up my first two sweaters.



May the Warm Winds of Heaven
Blow softly upon your house.
May the Great Spirit
Bless all who enter there.
May your Mocassins
Make happy tracks
in many snows,
and may the Rainbow
Always touch your shoulder.

~ Cherokee Prayer Blessing

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