Sunday, January 27, 2013

Creative Courage

 When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankl

This is what describes my past year the most...change.
Many things in my life happened last year that really took me off guard "unexpectedly" -too many to list, although tough to deal with and some pretty hard to swallow.... hence I lost myself.
For over a decade I have amerced myself in fiber, from custom knitting, knitting teacher, creating children's sweaters from recycled sweaters, spinning art yarn, dyeing yarn etc.
 I saw it all coming to an end.
Like Forrest Gump ...after running across the US so many times day he was just finished.
I was finished
 Done with wool fiber...the pain of spinning and knitting made it also a pretty easy decision.

 Home schooling came to a halt last year as well- tough one.
 Something that had been also part of my life for over a decade-
 It was time.

It was wonderful, creative and such a blessing to connect and bond with my children
and give them a safe environment to learn in.
 But it was time for them to move on
 experience other teachers and friends.

Feeling a sense of loss and mourning of what was...
I couldn't seem to go thru that door that life held wide open.
 I really became depressed.
Deepak Chopra tells us to be human "beings" and not human "doings"...I get all that, but I feel alive when I create....
so when I get the remark "Why don't you relax?
- well, that is because I am relaxing when I do...create.
 I get stressed out if I don't have projects going on- my brain is working.
Love that!
Searching etsy- websites, books, blogs seeking inspiration.
 Realizing how afraid I was of trying something new-
putting myself out there
...what if I failed?
I just needed to take the blinders off and give myself a little time.

So lucky me
 I came across Stephanie Levy's blog again
  remembered her course that I took last year and how it set me on fire.
I needed to learn- not just do.
That was it.
I recommend her class to anyone out there that might feel like they are in a slump.
.... that is exactly what I need right now.
A little courage to be creative and try something new- and let other artists inspire me.
I am already feeling better.

I also missed blogging 
in ways it documents the good things and maybe the not so good things in my life
sort of keeps me a little accountable for my days here on earth and what I do under the Big Sky.
Your sweet and positive feedback made me also realize that there is no pressure here-
Thank you!
It's just me
This is my little space in the world.
 If it flows.... it flows.
If it doesn't ?
I guess it just doesn't.

I am learning to embrace change.
Change is good.
I can't knit any more...
but I have 2 amazing horses and have taken up dressage that I thought I would never do again- and now actually have the time for it since I am not homeschooling.
 Funny how things work out...if you just let them.
Having an open heart.
I no longer feel like I am taking this old dusty road to no where.
Same old same old.
I am not who I was.
Exciting to make this a year of learning
 exploring new things & new mediums.
Something I haven't done for well...a decade
- it's time!
Good-bye 2012
Hello 2013
~ I am to ready to bloom ~



  1. I love to read you story!
    Welcome back, Camilla!!!

  2. dear camilla, i sent you an email. i am sending you hugs too, what ever you dream, what ever you choose i wish all the best for you. and selfishly, i hope you continue to share your journey here.
    love, lori

  3. Welcome back Camilla ~ wishing you all the best in your creative journey and all that you do. Thinking of you..

  4. Dearest sweet Camilla, your words in this post have touched me DEEP! I know so many of these feelings, these doubts and questions. This life, while amazing, is hardat times. You my dear are so strong and I hope to be able to see what path you take and what doors this world opens for you because I know it's going to be epic!
    Sending much love and peacefilled thoughts your way.

  5. ROCK ON, Sister!!!

    so beautiful and honest and i feel that we are on similar journeys and it makes me smile to hear your clear voice!!!


  6. You are so sweet to share with us what you are thinking and feeling. Life is all about change. Sometimes we welcome the change and sometimes it is forced on us. You have a great attitude and I know what ever you set your sights on to do you will succeed!!

  7. This is a beautiful and honest post, thank you for sharing it with us. Change always has a bright side, if we choose to see it. It seems my friend you are starting to see it. I am so very happy for you and I look forward to watching you blossom. All the best!

  8. You will find yourself again, creatively and otherwise. The older and hopefully wiser I get, I realise that things just have a habit of working themselves out, in time.
    Thanks for sharing your journey, I wish I'd known how you were feeling earlier, we could have skyped or something. Bises xxx


May the Warm Winds of Heaven
Blow softly upon your house.
May the Great Spirit
Bless all who enter there.
May your Mocassins
Make happy tracks
in many snows,
and may the Rainbow
Always touch your shoulder.

~ Cherokee Prayer Blessing

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